is your mom at the bar?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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