I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
