I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
