Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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