Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
