yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
