she woke up with a sticky ear
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
