Please, let me fuck your mom
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
