The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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