you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
