Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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