You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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