please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
