so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
