it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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