I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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