1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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