i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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