I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
