Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
