my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
