dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
