I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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