Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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