i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
