and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
