i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
