I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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