I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
