Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
