Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
