You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
