I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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