I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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