she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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