If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
