Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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