You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
