I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
