He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
