wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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