Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
