I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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