Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
