I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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