Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
