I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm both gender and math confused
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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