ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
