I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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