It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
