Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
