Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
