she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
