Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
