i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
