But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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