Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
