i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
