I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
