You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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