2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
