I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
