i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
