I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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