He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
