Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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