NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
