people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
