you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
