i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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