Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
