We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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