i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
